Friday, November 20, 2009
9:40 am,
Last Night I Walked With Dinosaurs
I'm going to try and post some videos I took later tonight, but for now, have a picture (from the website - my pictures are all dark since they were taken with my camera):
You will be astounded and humbled by these beautiful giants that have come to life. I felt like I was living in James Gurney's Dinotopia. My favorite part? The moment the Brachiosaurus walked out. My mouth dropped open, my heart felt like it was too big for my chest, and tears welled in my eyes. A 40 foot dinosaur stood above my head and blinked at me. Tonight, I had a dream come true.
(Originally posted at Snailbird.com)
Friday, November 6, 2009
9:18 pm,
0-31: Another loss for Civil Rights.
I could say it doesn't matter. That we'll get them next time. That this doesn't mean anything in the long run. I could try and convince you that this was a mistake and people really don't think this way. But I'd really just be trying to convince myself. My faith is wavering a little under these staggering statistics. 31 times gay marriage showed up on the ballot. And despite all the knocking on doors, all the blog posts, and rallies and pride events and positive media attention, all the love and support we received, 31 times, THIRTY-ONE times. We were shot down. Denied the rights that every human being should be born with. This isn't about religion. Marriage is no longer conducted only within a church. This isn't about showing off wedding rings and picking out floral centerpieces. This isn't about anybody else but us. Our rights to be with the ones we love. This is about people recognizing that as an accepted reality. This is about our government giving us the basic rights that other married couples have. It's about commitment, and family, and dedication. It's about sharing a bond and being able to proudly introduce a husband or wife. It's about not being afraid. And sure, it's about the tax benefits, and the employment benefits, and government benefits, and being able to see each other in the hospital, and buying a house together, and filing for adoption together, and being seen as a real, honest-to-goodness family, but most of all, most of all it's about Love.I could say that none of it really matters because Love isn't something anyone can deny you. It won't stop us from carrying on with our lives. It won't cause us to break down and decide that it's better off being straight than gay. I'm not going to run away and push my head in the sand and pretend I never liked girls. So it shouldn't matter, right? I should just brush it off. But I can't. It does matter. It matters to me and my girlfriend and every couple out there that is being treated like a second-class citizen. And what for? Why are we being treated with such disrespect? Like we're not good enough to love? Because of bigotry. Because despite our freedom for and from religion, we are still being forced into a box controlled by what other people believe. We are not allowed to have our beliefs if they interfere with the majority. There always has to be sides, it seems, and our government thinks it's fair to allow the majority to dictate how everyone should live their lives. Our country is slowly losing its identity as the Melting Pot. Conformity is the majority and if you don't fit in that box, you're shot down.
It does matter. Losing 31 out of 31 times matters. It's a heavy weight on the heart. They whisper "Someday" but I'm sick of waiting for "Someday" to arrive. We deserve it now.
But patience is a virtue, and so is perseverance. We'll keep fighting, keep talking, keep waving our rainbow flags in the air defiantly. We'll hoot and holler in your face at every parade and every protest. I'll keep living the life I'm living. I'll keep waking up next to my girlfriend every morning and remembering every moment just why I fell in love with her. And I'll keep questioning why. Why are we not equal? Why are we not seen as a real family? And I'll keep looking for answers.
And I'll keep telling myself it's okay. We'll get them next time.
(Originally posted at Snailbird.com on Nov 4, 2009 @ 1:57pm.)
Friday, October 30, 2009
8:52 am,
some morning ramblings.
Today I just feel... I have no idea what word I'd use. Restless? Yearning for something? Full of wanderlust? I really don't know. I guess I just feel like there's more out in the world. I want better for my family. I guess everyone does really, but I don't know. Ash and I watched WALL-E for the first time last night and we both cried and were both happy and we've agreed it's (one of) our favorite Pixar movie(s). Just beautifully made, perfect message. But it's left me with this feeling that there is so much more in the world that we can do.
I want to be successful and take care of Ash and the kids. I want to do big things to make positive impacts on the Earth. I want to explore jungles and deserts and mountains and I want to find in myself something new and secret and magical. I want to be told that I am someone special and that I can do anything. I want to push my limits and find out what I'm made of. I want to wrap my arms around Ash and be able to promise her that I can make everything and anything right that's wrong. I want to be able to not worry about money for vet bills and take care of our kids. I want to make our life perfect; I want people to see us and recognize what good people we are. I want our friends to live closer.
I want to be a better girlfriend. I want to be a better friend. We've slowly started meeting people here. I've got some work friends, and Ash and I are starting to hang out with our new friend Samantha, but we miss our old friends. Why do people have to live so spread out? Indiana, Wisconsin, Colorado, Montana, Florida, Iowa, Mississippi, New York, California... they're all over the place. Come stay with us in Austin - you'll like it.
I'm trying to be more empathetic. Ash is all about empathy and I get really caught up in my own feelings and zone out a lot and it hurts her feelings, even though she knows it's unintentional. So far I think it's working. I'm more conscious of how she's feeling. I mean it's slow going at the moment, but I know it'll get better. I have faith in myself (and so does she). At least here in Austin we have more opportunities to finally act like girlfriends. Whether we're at the hospital, a restaurant, or just walking in downtown, I don't feel any sort of worry about what people will think when I touch her cheek or kiss her shoulder or slip my arm into hers. I love living in a liberal city.
I'm feeling better. Today is the Halloween party here at work. My Max costume didn't work out, so today I am a pirate (of course). Ash is coming for the party at three so she can finally see where I work and meet some of my co-workers, though the person I've been trying to get her to meet isn't here (he's on vacation with his partner and won't be back till Monday). It'll be fun. There'll be food.
In any case. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm going to make my life better. I can't wait around for it to just become so. I need to find my optimism and let it overwhelm me. I need to smile more (that one's easy, I just have to think about that cute grin of Ash's and I'm grinning like a moron). And I'm going to stop worrying so much about little things. Lately my comeback for when I start getting stressed or worried is "This is just one thing in the big picture. It doesn't really matter." It's been working. Should have thought of that one sooner.
Right. Back to work.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
8:43 am,
in which i gripe some more.
I was so good last night. I finished the second meme from
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nanomango (yeah I know, I'm way behind), but I have to scan it when I get home. I'll probably work on the third one at lunch today.Going to try and make a doctor's appointment as soon as I can. Woke up with my throat swollen over the legal limit and the rash has spread up my neck. Wearing a turtle neck today to try and hide it. I'm also just SORE. Like mono-sore. I don't think I have the flu because it feels different from it. Maybe I have strep. I don't know. Either way, I have very little sick days so here I am at work trying to wake myself up with some chai (I've cut myself off of coffee completely - go me!).
I still haven't gotten my halloween costume together yet. I need to get on that. I'm going to Max from Where the Wild Things Are. I need a tail.
Wow this is flighty. I'm tired and sick and you know what, I wish I had a Mac at home because I love my work computer to pieces.
I'm going to try and not fall asleep today. Ciao.
(I'm revamping my journal so it might look weird for awhile. Be patient. Anyone wanna buy me a paid account so I can redesign it too? No? Well fine.)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
6:12 pm,
i'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall.
It is not fair that I spend all day wanting to draw and itching to do my comic and yet I'm stuck at work where I make cookie-cutter templates. I mean, I love my job, it's a good job, but I miss being creative and having free reign when it comes to design. And I finally get bit by that damn elusive art bug, but I have no time to do anything about it.
Side note, but I miss Friends. I never catch it on TV anymore, but I got it tonight and this show just makes me happy. No thought required kind of happy. Anyway.
I should be drawing instead of typing. But it seriously does taken a lot less effort to sit at the computer than to draw. And I'm so sick and in pain that I don't want to sit up and focus on anything. How is that fair? I actually have a night with some time to do stuff, and I can't because I'm sick (and sick with weird symptoms: fever, rash, and bad stomach pains).
Man, I'm also just in the mood to complain, have you noticed? I miss Ash. I got home late and I was sick anyway, so she went cat-trapping tonight without me. I wish she could have stayed home, but the cats need her more than me. She's been calling to check up on me 'cause she's a sweetheart like that.
Agh. I'm going to try and do something productive that doesn't require much movement. Maybe try and draw or do some design just to be creative. Or finish some blog posts.
Or sleep. Sleep sounds good.
(P.S. This past weekend rocked. We went to Dogtoberfest, Love-A-Bull with John Garcia from DogTown, a Pet Parade in downtown Austin, and then out to the ranch for time with Ash's grandparents. We have such awesome weekends. I love my baby.)
.back in the days.
.back to the top.
